Mengapa kau pergi
Mengapa kau pergi
Di saat aku mulai mencintaimu
Berharap engkau jadi kekasih hatiku
Malah kau pergi jauh dari hidupku

Menyendiri lagi
Menyendiri lagi
Di saat kau tinggalkan diriku pergi
Tak pernah ada yang menghiasi hariku
Di saat aku terbangun dari tidurku

Aku inginkan dirimu
Datang dan temui aku
Kan ku katakan padamu
Aku sangat mencintai dirimu
Aku inginkan dirimu
Datang dan temui aku
Kan ku katakan padamu
Aku sangat mencinta

Semoga engkau kan mengerti
Tentang perasaan ini
Maaf ku telah terbuai
Akan indahnya cinta
Maaf sungguh ku tak bisa
Untuk kembali padamu
Maaf ku telah terbuai
Akan indahnya cinta

Everyday i wake up missing you even more than yesterday.

It might be too late but i swear to you that i will never ever have any sort of contact or whatsoever w her for as long as i live. It might not matter or make a difference to you but i promise to not even be anywhere close to her even when we are smoking. I would not even be in any close distance w her or be seen next to her. I wont smoke in e toilet when she’s around. And if im there first, i would go away. I just dont want to hurt you. I just dont want you to be hurt. Just so you know.

I want you to know that i have been re-reading your last text. I want you to know that it is a very big deal to me that you were hurt by my actions. And that i know that its a big deal to you & i understand & i dont blame you. Like you ever said, no matter how angry we are w each other, we can never stay mad for long. Honestly, i am not ready for this. Im not ready to let you go. My heart has never stopped loving you. In fact, it has grown so much more. The whole day, no matter what i did, i see you everywhere. Even when e things i do or hear dont come close to being related to you, I see you & i start to cry. I’ve missed you so much & im still missing you. You mean e world to me. And like what i told you before, i am willing to give up anything & everything just to have ONLY you in my life. Without you everything is meaningless. My life revolves around you even when you are not in it. I have never love anyone like how i love you. And im sure i’ll never love anyone as much as i love you. I really cant get out of my life. I cant get you out of my mind. You are my everything. And losing you means that i have nothing. Having you w me is all that i need in my life. All that i want. You are e 1st & only person i think of when i want to share my feelings. Losing you means losing a shoulder to cry on. Losing you feels just like losing Mak. I really dont know how to get through this. I know that time will heal all wounds but i cant right now. I just cant. Its so hard & it will not get any easier as time goes by. There’s so many things in my mind & heart that i want to share w you. That i want to tell you. Our relationship is way too meaningful for me to let it go just like that. I just cant. I really cant.

Pernahkah kau merasa
Jarak antara kita
Kini semakin terasa
Setelah kau kenal dia
Aku tiada percaya
Teganya kau putuskan
Indahnya cinta kita
Yang tak ingin ku akhiri
Kau pergi tinggalkanku
Tak pernahkah kau sadari
Akulah yang kau sakiti
Engkau pergi dengan janjimu yang telah kau ingkari
Oh Tuhan tolonglah aku
Hapuskan rasa cintaku
Akupun ingin bahagia
Walau tak bersama dia
Memang tak kan mudah
Bagiku tuk lupakan segalanya
Aku pergi untuk dia
Tak pernahkah kau sadari
Akulah yang kau sakiti
Engkau pergi dengan janjimu yang telah kau ingkari
Oh Tuhan tolonglah aku
Hapuskan rasa cintaku
Akupun ingin bahagia
Walau tak bersama dia dia
Oh Tuhan tolonglah aku
Hapuskan rasa cintaku
Akupun ingin bahagia
Walau tak bersama dia

Semalaman ku tak lena
Bayangmu menjelma
Rindu semakin menyala
Bagai bergelora di dalam dada

Im feeling jealous, angry & sad all at e same time. I know you needed something to take your mind off things between us but I just cant get over e fact that you went out on our monthsary & had fun while i was alone at home nursing my pain. I think this is e first time we didnt celebrate our monthsary together. But its been done. What more can i say? It just feels so fucked up! Im not trying to make you feel guilty when you read this. I just need a channel to express my feelings so that i wont end up vomiting blood because of bottling up my feelings. I’ve got no one to talk to about my feelings & problems other than you. And i dont think its appropriate to share my feelings w you when e problem is about us. I dont know who else to turn to. No one understands me.

I still screwed up despite everything. FML!

I know that there’s a high chance that you would read this. Just so you know, i still get butterflies in my tummy when i see you. I miss you & I love you oh so very much. But i dont know how to feel anymore. I would love to believe that you had your reasons for doing whatever you are doing. And i know that i can never fully understand your feelings & actions. But it breaks my heart so greatly that you didnt even visit me after my accident. Not even once. Not even on our monthsary. Thinking & secretly hoping that you’d visit me after wishing me e night before.

My wounds hurt. My bruises hurts. This hurts. But what hurts e most is that you are not around to make it better. To make it all go away. Emotionally & physically.

Do you still?

Do you still?

I dont know how to do this anymore. Just when i thought things will slowly get better, Its not. Ever since you left, its one thing after another. I dont know if im overreacting but it sure feels like things are not getting any better. How I wish you were here to make things go away. How i wish you were healthy & strong like how you have been 3 years ago. How i wish you hadnt left. I need you right now, Mak. I need you so badly. My life is so messed up right now. My mind is even more messed up. I keep crying. I keep thinking of you. Everytime i close my eyes, i kept seeing how you suffered before you left. I wished you had last words to say to me before you went away. To tell me how much you love me, how i should take care of my life, how things will be ok when you’re gone. Basically, i just want you to say anything to me. Anything at all. As long as its for me. I know that
not e greatest child & i still am not now but Mak please guide me through this like how you’ve always did. Truth to be told, i still have no courage to visit you just yet. I still cant accept e fact that you are gone. Even till now, i still feel that you are still around. Like you never left.
But you left. Left me. I have many regrets when it comes to you but i know its too late. None of this would have happened if i still have you. I miss you, Mak. I miss you so much.

@nutttyy (Taken with GifBoom)

@nutttyy (Taken with GifBoom)

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Just posted a GIF (Taken with GifBoom)

Just posted a GIF (Taken with GifBoom)